The Nightmares
by dearestyou
Summary: Lily/Snape. Severus suffers from nightmares about Lily. Comprised of five, short chapters.
1. Chapter 1

She's discomforted and hesitant to him, especially by his touch. He's waiting for the awful truth, but she's locking it up somewhere. It's the somewhere that can't be reached, no matter how hard he tried. It doesn't mean he won't attempt to release it.

Why was life so complicated, that it made some things simple? Love was complex, holding something he couldn' understand. Yet, some answers were so easy to figure. This was the way he felt about everything about her; she held some unnatural truth that was hard to discover, yet some things of her were effortless.

'Tell me you don't love me,' he knows his attempt could fail.

Crying, she asks slowly, 'Why are you doing this to me, Severus?' He doesn't understand – her, holding that one thing he wants to know, yet bottling up inside, was painful for him.

'ANSWER ME!' he forces. She is crying harder now, and his expression softens. 'Just tell me, Lily. And then-'

'I don't love you.' A scar is forming on his very soul. The little secret inside her was just freed…and now he forgets to breathe for this first time.

-

"Severus! SEVERUS!" A jolt is shoved throughout his body, and he awakes with a start. The boy leaves his side and returns to his bed, grumbling something like, 'Dangit, do I hate yelling in the night.' Severus watches him go, and doesn't know what to feel right now - either grateful or angry, because maybe the nightmares are as close as he will ever get to her.

_You paint me with colors, Lily, that I don't understand._


	2. Chapter 2

The nightmares were becoming worse. The very first showed him she loved James after all. Then he caught him holding her hand – the hand Severus had watched for so long; pick up potions, ingredients, and her wand. Severus was very sweaty when he awoke from the one where he saw James snogging Lily.

She enjoyed herself in the nightmares, especially when she was with James. That cuts Severus like a sharp knife; forceful and brutally.

"NO!" he shouts when the nightmares awake him. Everyone learns to forget him and his screaming in the night. Its happened so many times, they've chosen it doesn't matter before. Because it's been happening for the whole year.

He finds himself hot, perspiring, his hair greasier then ever. He wishes she would be beside him; holding his hand gently, telling him there's nothing to worry about. He would whisper to her of how much he loves her. She would rub her face against his cheekbone. 'Embrace me,' he wants to tell her. Comfort is what he wants in her.

They never stop, those nightmares. 


	3. Chapter 3

"I think we should just skip it. I'm getting tired of her crazy lessons. We need some excitement. Right, Severus?" Malciber asks him. Severus does not answer, for he is watching Lily from across the room. Avery rolls his eyes as Malciber pushes Severus out of his seat, making him fall to the hard floor. "What's with you, _Snivellus_?"

Severus snaps up back to his feet, and hisses under his breath, "Do **not** call me that!" He snatches his things off of the table and storms out of the Great Hall. Before he goes up the stone steps, he looks back at his two friends.

They are snickering and laughing with one another.

* * *

"They are absolutely brutal to you, Severus." Lily says, trying to grab his shoulders. She tries to get him to look at her, but her eyes carry some sort of innocence and comfort that he doesn't want.

"I know," He hisses, moving his arms out of her reach.

She asks worriedly, taking a step towards him, "Why do you take it?"

"Who cares?" he demands cruelly, making her scared. It hurts him when that happens, and makes him all the more angry.

"I DO!" she shouts, and cups his face in her hands. "I do, Severus! How is that so hard to understand?"

Severus spent so much time watching her, trying to know every little aspect about her. He realizes that his inspections of her lips are correct. She has soft lips that are sensational to kiss.

People say things will seem better when you find love.

They lie.


	4. Chapter 4

He's shaking uncontrollably. He wonders if there is any reason to live now.

Dumbledore is huddled quietly in the corner. He looks deep in thought, almost appearing as if Severus no longer exists. Severus doesn't care anymore - he doesn't care about anything but _her_.

Now, more than ever, the desire of her touch was overpowering. It was to feel her body pressed up against him. Yet, wanting that was idiotic, ridiculous; she had married someone else. She had had a baby who looked exactly like the father.

When he first heard of the murder, Severus once again forgot to breathe. He forgot to feel. He was waiting for the scream, the shouts, and the sweat…and to awake from the horrible nightmare. He started to laugh and laugh, because of how ironic the world was. Somewhat later, the tears came. There was a mixture of sickening laughter, and depressing sobs.

'I hate this.' He finally says to Dumbledore, but the headmaster does not respond. Severus throws something to the man and shouts, 'I HATE THIS!'

Dumbledore looks up because of Severus' outburst, and raises his eyebrows, 'What is it that you hate?'

'YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER!' Severus shouts at the old man. Dumbeldore looks unnerved. 'YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SURE _THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN_!'

Severus begins to sob again, and Dumbledore lets him be; losing someone is worse than any sort of death.


	5. Chapter 5

'You're afraid,' she says with a warm smile. 'You're afraid to live without me.'

He shouts, 'No! I can be strong!' She laughs and shakes her head. He shouts at her again, 'you're not so important to me! I can live without you.' He falls to the ground in a terrible bundle of tears. He rests his head on the Mirror of Erised, and he can swear she's kneeling beside him and embracing him from behind.

* * *

He wakes up with a jerk, but just lies back down, because she was gone; there was no need to long for her.

_O Nightmare, O Nightmare, where hast thou seen love?_

To forget her would be torture, but to remember her would be death.


End file.
